Live Blogging President Obama's First Press Conference

"We've lost 3.6 million jobs" and about half of those in the past three months.

I think he should stop referring to "the campaign". It's won now. Get over it. What have you done for me lately?

I've got some nerve. This guy is barely a year older than me and he's president of the United States! What have I got to show for myself, snarking away in the suburbs being my Animal's bitch?

Yes, I'm in love with an Animal. He's a sucker and I enable him; my house has seldom been so clean. The point is, I am in no position to be critiquing Obama's (dare I say, anybody's?????!) performance as president of the United States...seeing as how I am all enraptured by an inanimate object and whatnot, but I digress.

Good point Obama! He didn't come in "all ginned up to spend $800 billion dollars!"

These are extraordinary times, folks. Remember: take your job and love it! Switch the 401k distributions from stocks to Treasury bonds, if you haven't already, (to stanch the bleeding,) and plant up the back yard.